I’ve been thinking about this over the past few days. And after having my follow up appointment to my surgery on Wednesday, I felt compelled to sit and write my thoughts on the matter.
We’ve all heard it said that doctor’s make the worst patients. I’m going to add “fitness enthusiasts” to that list also.
In running the appointment and the conversation with my doctor through my head, I kept coming back to the fact that all throughout our appointment, I kept mentioning, “I take good care of myself” or “I always try to live a healthy life”.
Okay Jenn, she gets it.
And the reality is that what happened to me has nothing to do with how healthy my lifestyle is or isn’t. There’s no rhyme or reason to ectopic pregnancies. It’s just that shit happens.
Perhaps I got a little too cocky because of the fact that I AM healthy as an ox. I ended up sharing a tad too quickly with folks that we were expecting. And now we’re having to back peddle and let them know we’re not. We won’t make that mistake again.
In processing the loss, initially I couldn’t understand *why*. Why did this happen to us? What did I do wrong? How could this be happening? What do you mean it can’t be fixed? I felt like I had failed. My body had failed ME. And in turn, I failed the baby, and Alfie. As someone who is so driven, strong, and completely bullheaded, experiencing failure was NOT in my vocabulary.
Couldn’t I just accept the fact that sometimes these things don’t work out? If statistics show that 64,000 people every single year end up having ectopic pregnancies, obviously we’re not alone! And just the outpouring of emails from my readers shows it hits very close to home, ALOT.
The reality is that no matter how fit you are, how “clean” you eat, how much you run or lift, you’re not invincible. Not even a little. That was a hard pill to swallow, friends!! (at least for me it was)
But I WILL say that being healthy most likely quickened my recovery time. It really didn’t slow me down very much (only a few days), and for that I’m thankful. I’ve also walked away with a new found appreciation of the body and what it’s capable of doing, as well as it’s capability to adapt.
Only time will tell if mine has bounced back from a reproductive standpoint, but I do know that from a fitness standpoint I’m my old self again.
What about you, do you find it hard to accept an illness, injury or medical issue?