Setting Boundaries

 

I apologize for being non-existent the past week. If I’m being honest, the craziness this time of year has gotten the best of me!

I jokingly said yesterday in a post on Facebook that the only way I’ve used my muscles this week was when I carried a half keg of lager in the house last night for our kegerator. Although it was meant to be funny—it was absolutely true! ha ha

I’ve been seeing all these posts in blog land about withstanding the holiday frazzle, and truth be told, I have most definitely succumbed to it! Something had to give, and I’ve been less than inspired to do any writing this week. :(

I don’t normally pour too much of my personal struggles out here, but I’m thinking this might in some way be therapeutic.

So what in the world happened that has me so……… bleh?

Without going in to every little detail—Monday happened. lol A gathering with family that ended up horribly wrong, and with my sister-in-law (future sister-in-law technically) calling me classless, snotty, and proceeding to say that “no one wants Mackenzie around”.

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It hurts just to type that. As you can imagine—you can say whatever it is you want about ME—but bringing an innocent 10 year old child in to the equation is just unspeakable. And it has left me with no wind in my sails THE ENTIRE WEEK.

And let me just say—dealing with a blended family is HARD and as I found out this week—heartbreaking at times.

I questioned my worth as a person! I questioned whether I was looking through rose-colored glasses when it came to how well brought up Kenzer is! “Why would someone say such a thing?!” Kept ringing in my head!

This woman also said that her daughter didn’t want Kenzer to have a sleep over on Thanksgiving night. That she “BEGGED” for her mother to say no Kenzer couldn’t sleep over. (Which made me flash back to Thanksgiving night and remember—YES, her daughter WAS in fact whispering in her mom and dad’s ear at the dinner table that evening!)

This had me questioning what it was that Kenzer had done so wrong to her future cousin?

To say my heart has been hurting is the understatement of the century friends. So much soul searching has been taking place.

As most of you know, I am a divorcee, and was a single mom for quite a while. When Alfie and I became an item, Kenzer was three—just about to turn four years old. And my main priority and top requirement was, is, and always has been—that she be loved just as much as a part of the family we joined as she would if she were a blood relative of that family.

The incident that took place Monday had me questioning if I had failed in that requirement.

Alot of tears fell on Alfie’s shoulders this week. And it took him reminding me that WE are his family. Not that woman and her child. And that I shouldn’t allow what someone says to bother me when they aren’t a good person to begin with.

In reality, who would raise their child to think it’s “okay” to exclude people on purpose from your “circle”. Who would raise a child to think it’s okay to whisper in ears in front of people and talk poorly about someone standing right in front of you? And what kind of a person at 40+ years old would talk that way about a 10 year old child? Apparently the same kind of person that would teach their child to act in the manner above.

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So this has been my dilemma. And while I shouldn’t have let it affect me as much as it did. It has. And I needed some time to process it. I had to come to the realization that this was never our issue to begin with. We are good people. This was never about the goodness in the hearts of Alfie, Kenzer, or myself. This was about the LACK of goodness in the hearts of the other people.

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And I have decided that part of my wellness journey requires SETTING BOUNDARIES. I will not allow this person in to my life, my home, or around my family. And as sad as it is, I’m thankful to have full agreement from Alfie.

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Regardless of who it is—it is OKAY to say that you will not allow someone in to your life.

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You do not have to be FORCED to have someone around you just because they’re family, or they’re this, or they’re that. No. Life balance, inner peace, and feeling loved are much more important.

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Taking care of your emotional health is just as important as taking care of the physical.

In fact, I would argue that you have to have a healthy relationship with your head and heart before you can create a healthy relationship with your body. This week is probably living proof for me. My heart was aching tremendously. And my physical fitness suffered—I’ve barely eaten, and haven’t picked up a weight all week.

 

Thanks for listening. I promise I’ll be back to my normal, rambling self next week.

 

XOXO,

Jenny

Comments

  1. so sorry about your situation! :\ When should we grab coffee?! soon I hope!